Dad Toolbox
The Three Step Standards Reset
Featured in the October 4, 2026 newsletter
Expectations slip. Homework gets pushed back. Bedtimes drift. The chore everyone agreed on somehow needs five reminders.
It isn't always about school. It could be letting someone know when plans change or putting the phone down during a conversation.
Before giving another speech, choose one expectation and reset it.
Step 1: Say exactly what you mean
“Get yourself together” leaves a lot open to interpretation.
Try: “Before you start gaming, check what homework is due and make a plan to finish it.”
Or: “If you're going to be late, let me know before the time we agreed on.”
Make the expectation something they can actually act on.
Step 2: Check for confusion
Ask: “What's the plan, in your own words?”
Then listen. Do they understand what needs to happen? Is the timing realistic? Do they need help with part of it?
Understanding the expectation and being able to meet it are two different things.
Step 3: Follow through calmly
Agree ahead of time on what happens if the responsibility isn't handled. Keep the response reasonable and connected to the issue.
If the agreement is to put toys away before starting another activity, help a younger child finish putting them away before moving on.
Avoid making a threat in frustration that you won't follow through on.
And notice when they get it right: “You handled that without me reminding you. I appreciate it.”
Ideas for different stages
Younger kids: Show them what done looks like
“Clean your room” can be a big assignment. Start smaller: “Put the blocks in this bin.” Do it together the first time. Once they understand that step, build from there.
Teens: Agree on the finish line
Ask, “What's your plan for getting this done?” Be clear about the responsibility and deadline, then give them room to handle it. If it keeps falling apart, talk about what's getting in the way before adding more reminders.
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